I am still continuing to do research on depression.

(1) I don't care what other people think -- but to begin with, I don't care what other people think.

(2) Self-centered -- However, others have told me that I am unquestionably self-centered, and I am aware of it.

Other things mentioned, such as exercise, travel, rest, etc., have not worked for me.

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However, as for me, I feel that

"I care what others think of me"

is true.

I do the best I can, even when an absurd amount of work is coming in, and even when it's not -- I'm not good at cutting corners.

However, when an absurd amount of work is coming in, the performance of that work will naturally suffer.

If performance declines, work output will be poor in quality and quantity.

If this is the case, others may think Ebata is "incompetent" and "slacking off."

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However, I cannot stand the fact that others might think I am 'incompetent' or 'slacking off.

Especially when it comes to people I hate, I come to think that

"I just can't stand it when he makes fun of me."

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However, on second thought, I think this story is included in (1) above, "not worrying about what others think."

And this seems to be based on a misperception of the external world.

It is definitely "paranoia" caused by a bloated ego.

Because we, including myself, should pretty much "not give a shit" about other people.

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From the above, the challenges I have to overcome are

- Do not worry about what others may think of me as "incompetent."

and furthermore,

- Come to think that it is okay to be "incompetent" and that it is okay to be evaluated as such.

I am beginning to think that it might be.

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Well, after writing columns for more than a decade, I have come to realize that "there is a frightening amount of things in the world that I don't know.

I have been continually amazed that to learn one small thing, one has to read vast amounts of books, do calculations considerations, and construct logic.

In light of the above, I think I should take the above picture one step further and raise our awareness to the level of

"Everyone is "incompetent," so no one should expect anything from others.

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And, well, after discussing this so far, I'm not sure if I can summarize it as follows:

After all, the root of this problem lies in the fact that I can't get away from the thought,

"I don't come to like someone I don't like"

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You may be thinking, "What in the world is Ebata doing?

In fact, this is one of the ways to deal with depression, a process called "verbalization."