(Continuation from yesterday)

I have been thinking about this for as long as I can remember.

I am both the subject of me and the object of me.

(This is the mimics Ortega's phrase "I am what I am and my environment")

If it's hard to understand, I say "I'm living with my clone" or "I'm living with my twin".

In short, I have two people, one who moves me and the other who observes me.

And I think -- people who 'hate themselves' are too harsh in their observers' estimation.

I would feel too sorry for "me" if "I" hated the "me" that I live with 365 days a year, 24 hours a day.

What if the "I" closest to "me" doesn't protect "me"?

Who else could it be but "me", who can indulge me with saying 'It's okay, I'll get it right this time,", whenever I fail.

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In my case, I don't stop indulging myself.

"It's not my fault at all. It's all the world's fault but me"

I "seriously" believe that.

Why can I think that?

It's because "the world is bad" and "it's not my fault.

At the very least, this is the only "fact" that can be derived from the idea of "I am the center of the world".

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However, I've been told by many people that I'm a "crazy guy" or a "happy guy".

They reported it to me as an objective observation, without "disdain" or "malice" or "respect" or "longing".

And I've heard their opinions as "observers" as well.

I believe their 'observations', So "I'm a 'happy crazy guy", I guess.

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If only the "happy crazy guy" could escape the curse of "I hate myself",

I want to be the "happy crazy guy".

I don't want "kind words" like, "You're worth it on your own".