Yesterday, I was carrying a travel carry-on bag stuffed with experimental equipment, which had become like a lump of iron

I thought that if I made a mistake in carrying the equipment, I would get "strained back in one shot," so I used equipment for people with disabilities & seniors (elevators and escalators) for all of my transportation.

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" I have not progressed one millimeter since my twenties."

I was almost in tears.

In my vision of the future, I had envisioned "a dainty senior who orders his younger subordinates to do this kind of work, and I am dressed in a slightly more formal dress and shoes, having a nice conversation with customers" -- but the result was "just senior."

"Boys, don't be ambitious. It's going to be hard later."

I am going to Hokkaido University next month and would like to shout this phrase in front of the Clark statue.

(Well, I probably won't do it. I'm afraid I'll get in trouble with the company and the university.)

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Yesterday, I talked with my daughter, who drove me to the train station.

Daughter: "You are as hard as ever. The other day, my mom and I talked about how when you collapse, we might say, 'We knew it was going to happen,' before we get surprised."

Me: "I think I am now in the speculation phase of 'when' and 'where' I will collapse."

Daughter: "If you know that much..."

Me: "But I can't reach Grandpa's (my late father) "hard" anymore. When I was helping my father with his work, it was so hard that I, as a junior high school student, thought, 'I might die.'"

Daughter: "Grandpa is out of scope. We can't hold him to that standard.

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A year ago, my team leader stopped speaking during a remote meeting.

They thought, 'It's probably a communication failure or a device malfunction,' but the next day, we found out that he had passed away, and the team was in a panic (I was not at that meeting).

He also helped me on the back end when I was going through a tough time (during the field demonstration), so I was pretty shocked then.

It was not until six months later that I could ask one of the people involved about the incident specifically. It was such a shock to me.

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However, despite this life-changing impact, I have not been able to make any significant changes to my lifestyle.

I am aware that I am such a "fool.

However, I also realize that "changing oneself" is so tricky.