If I had to pick the biggest incident of the year, I would say that I became depressed.

I have written a lot about this in my diary, so I will not explain.

Anyway, the phrase I now hate the most is,

"If you are willing to die, you can do anything."

And I am deeply offended by the fact that there are so many low-life people in this world who spout phrases like this without a second thought, who do not understand even a millimeter of the true nature of this disease.

I want to yell at them with the biggest and loudest voice I can muster (including my own in the past), "There are situations in this world where it feels 'absolutely cheaper to choose the process of dying than to continue living,' and the diseases those situations create."

OK. Please remember that I, a "calculation geek," drew this conclusion based on my results and rigorous calculations.

I am also shocked at how easy it is in today's society to "create such a situation" or "get involved in such a situation."

I want to make all the people in the world understand, by force (even if I have to beat them), this desperate fear of "not being able to move my body," even though I have something to do in front of me and I know how to do it all.

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This year, I understood at the soul level that suicide caused by depression occurs entirely independently of the person's intentions, abilities, qualities, experiences, and everything else.

This was a tremendously powerful experience and probably the most potent weapon I will ever have.

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Also, this "depression" is no good, no matter how much "understanding" there is around you. All of you are helpless. No one's words can reach my ears when I am in this state.

What saved me this time was my wife's "compulsion"...or rather, "ability to do it," as she repeatedly told me, "Tell your boss at work what's going on. She repeatedly told me, "I don't care what the outcome of the situation is.

Words like 'it seems hard' and 'it seems tough' did not affect me (at least on me).

The only way to "help" is to "physically help."

Being 'in touch with their feelings' does not mean 'helping.'

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One example.

Even If you say to someone about to fall off a cliff, "Hang in there," that person will eventually fall off the cliff.

Only when you get to the point of "bringing the rope and pulling them up" can you say that you have "saved" him.