I think, 'Having something you want to do probably makes you unhappy.'

Yeah, I (Ebata) am not in a good state of mind right now -- please read it as such.

I think it would be a good idea to stop reading it, as depression may be contagious.

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Because what I want to do often doesn't work.

I struggle a lot with the process of doing what I want to do.

And giving up on something I want to do in the middle of a project is the most painful thing I can do.

In addition, even after I have done what I want to do, it does not mean that I will be happy.

People easily forget what they have accomplished.

And the next thing I want to do is torment myself.

It feels like a curse of an endless loop.

-- Yeah, I guess I (Ebata) am not in a good mental state right now.

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What I'm trying to say is,

If you're saying, 'I don't know what I want to do,' you probably think you're an unhappy person," but....

I wanted to tell you, 'Surprisingly, that may be the best life.

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I think it is unusual for me (Ebata) to say this so that I will put it on record properly.

Or maybe the negative Ebata will be the default for all time to come, but, well, it cannot be helped.

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It seems that this kind of "Weak Ebata" is well accepted by our readers. (Thank you for your supportive emails.)

I can't be happy about it, but still, if my diary has lightened someone's heart, even mine like this is useful.